Her Father’s Homestead

I spent two hours yesterday with an amazing young woman whom I’ve come to know and love.  She’s smart, funny, musical, bilingual, beautiful and though she’s young enough to be my daughter, I call her Friend.   As I’ve told her parents over the years, she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.  And in a few days her life takes a new turn as she heads to Europe. I’ll miss her, became teary-eyed during our goodbye hugs; I am so very proud to know her and so privileged to be part of her life.

We shared a sandwich, talked and talked and talked some more - about the world in which we live, goals and dreams, family, mutual friends, politics, you name it; we covered a lot of ground as we always do.   Thankfully we have the Internet and she’ll be blogging, so I can track her experiences. And I am certain that she will absolutely thrive and return to us an even more beautiful person than she is today.

We share important characteristics - our faith and the fact that we are both pastor’s daughters - for starters.  While we have a fair amount in common,  as women of different generations - very different life experiences.  It is so inspiring and encouraging to observe her moving confidently into a world substantially different than what was available to me 30+ years ago.  And she’s made wise choices.

As I think of her now and reflect on our time together, I’m hopeful.  The future is bright with young women such as my friend - women who’ll be the mothers and wives and leaders of tomorrow.  So as she goes off to foreign lands to live and learn and grow, I pray she soars like the Biblical eagle lifted high on the wings of the Lord.

Travel well- Godspeed.  And I say with love, Bon voyage, my friend!

Playing catch-up? Very often these days, I seem to be in catch-up mode; tonight is no exception.  With algebra going fairly well, but still time-consuming, and daily life with all that entails, things are good though the pace is frenetic. What keeps me grounded?  My faith, for sure, and the things I’m looking forward to - elder daughter will be with me in a month; I cannot wait to hug that child, though at almost 25, young woman is more appropriate.  Her sister, almost 24, is in the midst of a fairly large life event -buying a  first home; lots of excited phone calls back and forth.

With  these young women on opposite coasts and us all trying to stay involved in one another’s  lives, the time between hugs seems far too long.  My solace is that I must have done something right along the way to have two beautiful, intelligent, articulate, independent, successful young women who still count their mom as confidante and advisor.  I am so blessed and in no time at all I’ll be hugging my ErinLee and enjoying her laughter, and two months after that I’ll be hugging my Meghan Lee and hopefully visiting in her new home.  Great thoughts to keep me moving forward.

A fabulous Amma massage today certainly helped me relax and my return to a regular yoga class to readjust my form and move back toward the top of my game - all great things on the road to taking the best care of me so I can take the best care of all with which I’ve been entrusted. Be well and live on the upside of life, no matter how things appear.   Off to algebra for me.  À bientôt…

That was my thought at 7:00 a.m., trying to figure out what I’m doing in an algebra class.  How, if I’m challenged by navigating the course web site, will I navigate the course?  Oh my…

“Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.” I don’t know who said it, but it works for me

So I may be in up to my chin but over my head would never do.  Challenged?  A bit boggled temporarily perhaps?  Those of you who know me have heard me say that words matter. Say you’re in over your head and you probably will be.

So what do you do when you find yourself, like me, facing an algebraic door?  You swallow the panic, take a deep breath, sit up real straight - maybe even stand up - and tell yourself, “I’m looking algebra straight on and I am going to get it; I will win.”

Here we go again, another speech.  You bet!  Speak your victory loud and clear.  I’m speaking mine right here this morning, August 22, 2009, in front of the world via the Web.  By December 18th, end of this semester, at 50+ years old, having survived brain cancer and two brain surgeries, I’ll be the most logical I have ever been, a virtual master of basic algebra, a conqueror of facts and I’ll be dancing around my kitchen singing, “HALLELUJAH, I’ve passed Algebra with flying colors!”

In the meantime, Tom Petty has a song that I adopted as my personal anthem years ago in the face of oppression  - sing it with me, sing it with him, hey,  just sing it!  Here’s the link, stand up and sing  I  Won’t Back Down.

Couple that with a favorite  verse from Scripture and you absolutely have it made.  In over your head?    Not on your life!!!

Stay tuned….

So where I come from, a major NFL city, there’s big news today.  Our former hero has become big news AGAIN - signing on to a rival team after a long drawn-out story.  How do I care?  I get frustrated that we’re such a nation of observers.  I get frustrated that we idolize a sport and those who PLAY that sport.

And people are fired up today.  Is it a good thing, is it a bad thing? How can this happen? And think about the first game between these rival teams now!  I find it ironic, personally.  As I was listening to the “breaking news” and to people expressing sadness or disappointment I thought to myself, people need to “get a life” as the old saying goes.  Get off the bench!  Don’t rise or fall by what happens in a game.  Be IN the game!

Now we can’t all be in the game of NFL football.  But we can all be in the game - creating fun, fabulous, exciting, successful lives of our own and leaving true legacies for our loved ones and changing lives of those around us.  We can turn off the TV and engage in life.

If it isn’t pro sports it’s “reality” television.  There again, we’d rather watch other people live than live ourselves.  Scary isn’t it?  How many of us are living “on the bench” of life instead of being on the field?  Get off the bench, choose to BE, go out and do something!  And that would be my thought for the day.  Hope you have a thought and a fulfilling life of your own.

Choose to BE, Get Off the Bench!!  And have a great time ……….

Coming up on the Fourth of July.  While it’s not a holiday I’m sentimental about like Easter and Christmas, I’ve been thinking about freedom and bravery. Are you free? Are you brave?  The song says we live in the land of the free and the home of the brave.  I know brave women who’ve fought for their freedom, not in a foreign country wearing a helmet and carrying an assault weapon, but they’ve fought nonetheless.   They’ve fought for themselves, for their children, and some, for their very lives.

This morning I ‘m thinking of these women.  I’m praying for their safety, emotionally and physically, and for any children involved.  I’m praying for continued courage when things get ugly and bravery in the face of danger.  I’m praying that they have someone in their lives to whom they can reach out and if they don’t, that such a person will be placed in their path.

So on this third of July, my brother’s birthday, by the way, I’m thanking God for freedom - from abuse and tyranny in my own home, for the safety of my daughters then and now, freedom from cancer,  freedom from guilt and shame through my faith in Jesus, and for the freedom of new beginnings, with which I’ve been  blessed several times!!

Enjoy the holiday and remember that freedom comes at a price.  Honor the blood that was shed to set you free physically and to me most importantly, spiritually.

Note:  I began drafting this post a few days after the passing of another of the Homestead’s children, my aunt/godmother.   I’d like to expand on it now and honor her memory.

A time to mourn and a time to dance;  that’s the complete phrase.  Not an original title by any means, but so appropriate.  Another of the ten children born in this old house, the Buelow homestead, has passed on.  My Aunt Henrietta, named after her mother, my Grandma Buelow, was taken home - fairly unexpectedly.   She was my the youngest of the ten children in my father’s family and I hate to say it, this leaves him as the sole survivor of that family, the last living person who was born in this old house.

Back to my Aunt Henrietta, the unexpected passing of a woman loved by many - her husband, children, grandchildren, nieces,nephews and her last remaining sibling, my father.  Another reminder that there is indeed a time.

Mourning is different depending on the relationship.  I’d never claim my loss as being close to that of her children.  For me it’s more about the passing of time, the passing into history of someone I knew and loved.  I’m a traditionalist - history and tradition are important to me.  History  reminds me where we’ve been and the rich heritage  and hardy stock from  which  I come.  Tradition, as I tell my daughters, is the glue that binds us together.

And we’ll continue these thoughts in Part Two.

Toward the end of the last post I asked if your fences were secure.  Now I’m asking, can they ever be secure, really? My belief system says yes, they can, but not because of what I might do.  And not necessarily in the way I might think.

The farmer who came to corral the cows and secure them again figured it out.  They had made a hole in the fence - that one’s not electric - and pushed it apart enough to make an escape.  Kind of explains the origin of the old English proverb: the grass is always greener on the other side.  Don’t know who the ringleader was, but three followed.  So we had four cows looking for greener pastures, wandering toward the road when a passing neighbor saw them and pounding on my door while hollering, alerted me that “my” cows were heading toward the road.  Two quick calls got the farmer who owns them here and after herding them back into the feedlot (barnyard), a handful of nails and some hammering, he felt they were secure.  A few nails and some wire and 1000-pound animals were “secure.”

Got me thinking about security.  Five nails and some wire fence or a bit of electricity running though a single wire?  What’s your source of security?   Give it some thought and we’ll talk again.

I’ve been away from this blog for awhile and it’s time to be back.  Lots has occurred since Easter ‘09, some okay and some fabulous!!  Some pretty major Sparkles especially this last week.  And the cows did indeed get out, today, in fact, though that seems like a metaphor for the last few months.

How about you?  Are your fences secure?  Are your cows safely contained with adequate food and water?  Good for you.  I’m working my way back to that place and feeling pretty okay for today.  And I will be back soon, very soon.

You should go …  You shouldn’t ….  I should… I should have ….  A loaded word, one syllable, indicates that the subject of the sentence has some obligation to execute the sentence predicate.  So the subject, in this case moi, has an obligation to do whatever follows the should.  How does that work?  Who’s deciding that I have an obligation and how do they have that right?  Did I hand it over? And failing to fulfill the obligation am I then supposed to feel guilty?

Say it’s me who’s deciding I should ….  Why?  According to whom? So many questions from a single word - did I say I love words ?  :)  I have a challenge with this “should” thing.  A dear friend, one of my brothers, actually, called me on it AGAIN in the last day or so.  He said, “LeeAnn,  you have GOT to let this go.” One more of many conversations we’ve had over life challenges - mostly mine. I know he’s right;  I regularly struggle with  “should” thinking.   That said, then we know what follows - the guilt thing.  And that is what he’s referring to as having to get out of my life - false guilt.  Done, over, the price paid, victory won.  The guilt carried to the cross on my behalf and who am I to pick up again?

I really like one of the origins of the word tyranny: The word derives from Latin tyrannus meaning “illegitimate ruler.”  Illegitimate ruler - how’s that for a description of should and it’s baggage in my life?  As we can have only one Ruler in our lives, the shoulds and the accompanying illegitimate guilt have no home in my heart and life.  So while Her Father’s Homestead is about home, not everyone is welcome, nor every thing.  In this home it’s all around wholeness,emotional and spiritual health and wellness, no illegitimate rulers here.

So my campaign of improving my outlook over the next 30 days is to rid myself of the tyranny of should.  I Can, I May, I Will, even I will not, but no I should.  What a lighter world I’ll be dwelling in, wrapped in grace.  I extend it to others, now I accept it for myself.  I look forward to the progress I will make in the coming month - being kinder and more grace-filled to myself, remembering that Amazing Grace has been granted me.  Reminds me of one of my newer favorite songs, Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) Stay tuned as I move forward with my purpose to let go of an illegitimate ruler and fill the space with  amazing grace.  Amen!

A quick peruse of Roget’s online Thesaurus gives many synonyms for the word hopeful.  My favorite? There are several, but blithe and buoyant just kind of roll off the tongue.  I love words and languages, and words, as I am known for saying,  matter. And frankly, I’ve been witnessing some challenges with words.  Are the challenges with words alone -  improper usage, negative, harsh words -  or with life situations or attitudes, the deeper issues?    All of those apply and they’re all valid to some extent. Ask my girls -  “Mom, I’m sick,”  was likely to draw the response, “Keep saying that and you probably will be.”  A student who makes the mistake of saying, “I can’t do that,” is likely to hear, “Keep telling yourself that you can’t and it’ll probably be true.”  I love having an eight-year-old tell me, “Miss LeeAnn, I’m having a challenge with this music.”

I can almost hear the eyes rolling :)  Here we go again, the mind over matter speech, the positive thinking approach.  You bet.  It matters.  After I titled this post I downloaded the video for my current Bible study, and sure enough, there’s one of my favorite Bible teachers, Beth Moore, talking about hope, being hopeful, and using words that DO matter.  One of those little Sparkles of confirmation.  And sure enough, my ErinLee called and said, Mom, “I’m getting sick, I mean, I’m fighting off an illness.”  Words matter.  How much better to be fighting off illness than to be sick or worse yet, feeling “awful”.  Say the words, hear them.  Much better to be fending off than succumbing to or worse.

Even more important when challenged by an emotion like fear.  Do not, for one second, give fear a foothold in your mind.  For sure never, ever give it a voice!  I am NOT afraid, fear not, I will fear no evil, on and on.  Better yet, leave the word- fear- out completely.  Try:  I am feeling strong; I am trusting the Lord to protect me.  I have EVERY confidence.  Get the picture?

Who cares?  I do.  There are a variety of books on the subject, among them, The Tongue, a Creative Force by Charles Capps.  There have been many teachings and there are many people  who believe in the power of words.

Try it - make it a game in your family until it becomes habit in your life.  Choose your words carefully - to encourage a positive attitude, to change a less-than-happy mood, to drive out fear and/or negativity, to overcome challenges, to accomplish great things,  fulfill your heart’s desire.

Words matter and I’m most hopeful that you’ll agree with me and give it your best shot :-)          à plus tard….